My father. Part 2

My father – part 2

My mahram

He was my main mahram. A mahram is for a  woman a male who is so closely related to him you are forever forbidden to marry him and engage in sexual relations. Doing so is considered a huge sin in Allah’s eyes. You are allowed to display your ‘adornments’ to your mahrams (24:31) . Your cousin is not your mahram, as Allah permits Muslims to marry cousins, which as we know, causes genetic deformities in children born of a product of this incest. A non mahrams is referred to as ‘Na – mahram ‘. There are hadiths by Muhammad further detailing the concept of mahrams :

Al-Bukhaari (1729) and Muslim (2391) narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should travel except with a mahram.
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.”

The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No woman should travel except with a mahram and no man should enter upon her unless she has a mahram with her.” A man said: O Messenger of Allah, I want to go out with such-and-such an army, but my wife wants to go for Hajj. He said: “Go with her.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1862
Muslim (1339) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allaah and the Last Day to travel the distance of one day, except with a mahram.”
My father acted as my mahram. I was not allowed to be in the presence of another male who was not a mahram. I was forbidden to speak or look at anything to except the ground or to make contact. If I was allowed to speak, it would be of necessity , for example my doctors or teachers. When they attempted to touch me of shake my hands I recoiled . I saw this as a sin, against the word of my noble prophet. I cursed them inwardly. Do they not understand ? Do they have no respect for my privacy or private space? Do they know I am not permitted to do this? When males came over without notice, I would be bundled upstairs in my room until they had left. When the notice was planned, I would be told the day and time before so I wouldn’t be around. My male cousins didn’t even look or acknowledge me. They were too scared of my dad. I was sitting there draped in a black shroud completely veiled. Like a black ghost. One time I tried to venture outside down the road and go shopping. I wore shalwar Kamiz under a black abaya and a simple headscarf for once. It was sunny and I was boiling. I went and bought dates for my family to share, donated money to a homeless man and bought 2 hijabs as a gift to my stepmother. My father found out. I’m not sure how til this day. Maybe my stepmom or siblings told him even though I told them not to. I got twice the abuse, for going without niqab and venturing outside the house alone. That was the last time I attempted that. I knew I needed to dress well and act well, otherwise he would get angry and I’d damage his reputation and honour. I used to frequently repeat ‘a fathers shame lied in his daughter’, mirroring the Hadith of Muhammad where he says ‘a man’s shame lies in his wife’.

I was determined to marry and bear many children. That was the only way I could please him. He suspected me once of having a boyfriend one evening. I don’t know why. I was 15 and a virgin who had never had a boyfriend. He shook me and shouted and said ‘you have, haven’t you. I said no, no I haven’t it’s haraam. He abused me until I swore by Allah I hadn’t. He used to check my phone most days and my messages, calendar , search history. I wasn’t speaking to any boy. He found nothing and still carried on. It was like he was seeking some conclusive proof. He would tell me he would disown me if I ever got a boyfriend. I asked about my brother. Would he disown him if he got a girlfriend ? He wouldn’t answer. He said for a Muslim girl, getting pregnant is a huge shame. For boys, it’s easily hushed up. His sexism pissed me off badly. I wasn’t okay with this.

From his abuse, I have a long red scar on my abdomen, my thighs, burn marks scattered on my hands, thumbs and fingers. A mark on my cheek. But the mental scars are the hardest. I don’t know if I will get used to normality 100 percent like before. I’m distrustful of males and I vastly prefer female company. I’m trying to work on disregarding this ideal that has been heavily moulded into my impressionable mind.

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6 thoughts on “My father. Part 2

  1. Whilst the abuse of your position as a ‘journalist’ – albeit, a clueless ignorant one at that – had majorly irritated me, I realise that my pity for you is much more greater.
    Men and women are different. This is the way God has created us.But in being unapologetic and embracing our differences, together with trust in God , we can live healthier happy lives thus creating a moralistic society.

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    • ‘Journalist’. Na Fam, it’s called ‘blogger’. Men and women are equal, and your deluded God treats women as inferior. Your God is basically a sexist, misgoynstic piece of shit. The thing that irritates me is your pity. We are biologically different, but that does not entitle God to approve beating for women however light, 4:34. It does not entitle God to tell us to veil to protect from sexual assaults, which is a stupid rhetoric. It does not entitle God to reduce a women’s share to half of the males 4:11, and call us a tilth 2:223. It does not entitle God to make women ‘right hands posess’ and be conquests from war and be raped as sex slaves, even if married 4:34. It does not entitle women to be made as child brides like Aisha, at a mere 6 years old. So please englighten me, how embracing our ‘differences’ as women according to Islam helps us creating a moralistic society? Please tell us how trust in your obnoxious imaginary sky daddy Allah helps us?

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